If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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