loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
