The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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