How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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