Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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