3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
