I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
