yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
