dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
