So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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