How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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