Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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