I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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