I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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