I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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