I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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