So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
