dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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