sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Two words: blizzard sex
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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