I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
