In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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