your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Green mimosas i think yes
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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