My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
