I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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