How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
