Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
