If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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