I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
