He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
