Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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