Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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