It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
