Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We got so high we made milksteak
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Come on in and take your pants off
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