I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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