I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
