Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
