I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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