She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize