Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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