god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize