oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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