Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
