Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
