yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My balls are so social today.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
