i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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