You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
