I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
