How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
