So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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