I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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