I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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