1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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