A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
