the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
