If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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