How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
