she looked like the before picture.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
