jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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