dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
