he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
FUCK WHALES
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
