please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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