whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
