He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
