after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize