My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
