what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
