I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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