I think I won the penis lottery.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
