I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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