I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
