...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
