white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
