Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize