Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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