sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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