I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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