If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
