you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
