I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
