Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
