I wannas sexs uuuuu
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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