Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
