Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize