Where is the hickey?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
