I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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