I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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