it's too hot outside to masturbate.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
