So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
