i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
