Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
