stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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