i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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