Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
People in love make me want to vomit
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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