did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize