It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
