u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
