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so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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