please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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