My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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