since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
