I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
