strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
