ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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