It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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