see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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