Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
