Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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